Dear Finn-Month 1

We celebrated you being four weeks old on Saturday, but you weren’t officially one month old until today. Happy one month of life, my little Monkey Bean. You are growing so much and so quickly though, I will not be able to call you little for very much longer. You are developing a second chin and getting some chunk to your body mass, you’ve already outgrown all your newborn onesies and some of your 0-3 month onesies as well. I take this as a personal victory because that means that I am doing my job, well to be fair, my milk production is doing its job. You are such a great eater and therefore are growing rapidly…YEA!

We have had some struggles this first month (as we will probably have for the remainder of your life) as new parents and trying to do what is best for you. Recently, you have been spitting up (it seems) as much as you’ve eaten and more. I can’t believe that you are still growing! Your newest game is projectile spitting up, where the milk actually goes flying across the room. I guess you just want us to admire your many talents, and you have many! You and I never go through an entire day wearing the same clothes that we started out with, and therefore I am doing more laundry than I ever knew was possible. You are also very sensitive to the heat and so you sweat A LOT when you are hot, it’s a good thing we have so many onesies!

The other thing daddy and I have struggled with this month (as many new parents do) is your sleeping schedule. Whenever we think we’ve got it down, you throw us a curve ball. You are just fine when sleep sneaks up on you and takes you by surprise (usually during the day). But if you get clues that we are wanting you to go to bed (putting you in your sleep blanket, rocking you in our rocking chair, being in the bedroom) you begin to scream your head off, kick your legs with all your might, and your face gets so red and it looks like you are so constipated you are trying to pass a brick. This can go on for up to 2 hours. Last night, it was even more fun because you also did this both times you woke up to feed during the night. I have to say, holding a screaming baby for 2 hours at 1:30 AM, not my favorite activity. And then you tried it again at 6. These are the times when I need to dig deep into my patience supply and remember all the reasons that getting no sleep is totally worth it. You are totally worth it!

I often think that at some point you will wear yourself out crying and then you will fall asleep. I suppose if daddy and I let it go on long enough, you would, but we cannot stand to hear you in distress for that long. I believe it would take hours, and I would rather hold you so at least you know we are trying whatever we can to make things better for you, then see how long it takes for you to wear yourself out. I am sure my high stress level in response to your screaming does not help the situation.

Now that we are done with the problems, and really there are only a couple, that means you are a great baby and we are learning to become better parents for you. We know that it is nothing that you are doing wrong, or that you are a “difficult baby”, it’s our inexperience and incompetence. But we love you to bits every day and we hope that makes up for our many mistakes!

You love the water. I believe your favorite part of your day is your bath. Even if you are in the process of screaming your head off, as soon as we get you in or near the water, you just relax and become almost zen. You are just like mama, there is not much that is better than being in water! I really look forward to when you are old enough for me to take you swimming. Yesterday I bought you swim trunks for next summer in anticipation (and because they were on clearance)!

You are also smiling more and more often, although this is never in response to anything (that I can tell, except maybe you pooping) and I can’t wait until I see a big smile from you because you saw me or daddy or we tickled you or because we were playing peek-a-boo with you. I know this day is coming, and it will be a wonderful day.

Each day, you spend a little more time awake and you seem to see more. I believe you recognize me now when you look at me, I can see it in your eyes. You love to just look at everything around you. You spend hours just looking at things that are moving and shadows. I love sitting with you and having our time. We have great discussions and you love holding my finger. When you are upset, you grab my finger and squeeze really hard, sometimes you also snuggle up against my neck and I feel that whatever is upsetting you is made a little better by being all cuddled up to me.

You have so many great, funny, cute expressions. Especially when you wake up, you purse your lips and stretch like I have never seen anyone stretch. You stretch as if you have been sleeping for 20 years and you need to stretch it all out. It is the best thing, and it makes me laugh every time. Even if you have been up screaming half the night, when you wake up and stretch, you remind me just how much I love you and how you were the missing piece in our family. I don’t know how we lived so long without you, but we are certainly glad you are here with us now, and we will never let you go!


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