The sweetest smile.

My son smiled AT ME today for the very first time! He was looking right at me and smiled, it made my whole day. It was so wonderful. I couldn’t make him do it again, but I figure it’s just going to keep happening over and over with more frequency.

I was freaking out about my PICC line last night because of some things that I won’t go into the details, I was probably just being paranoid. I am so paranoid about everything with my health because I came way too close to the white light as I look back on it (good thing I didn’t know it at the time), and so I am terrified about anything that is a possibility of taking me back to that place.

I had my visit from my nurse who came to show me how to administer the antibiotic. I did not like my nurse. She did not evoke confidence in me that she really knew what she was doing. She couldn’t make the antibiotic mix with the liquid and had to call in to get help. Josh and I ended up helping her figure it out with the directions that the company sent along and all my experience from the hospital. Things like this kept happening over and over. She also was very difficult to understand and I didn’t want to ask for another nurse based just on that, but she couldn’t understand some of what I was saying and we couldn’t understand some of what she was saying. And when it came to my health, I just decided it was more important for me to feel comfortable with the nurse. I hope that doesn’t make me a horrible person. She kept asking me if my arm was sore (the one with the line in it) and I kept telling her that it was a little achy, but it had been almost since it was put in and the nurses at the hospital said it was normal. She asked me that question about 4 or 5 times, so I gave her the same answer. Finally, I just said it felt fine and she was satisfied with that answer and understood it, so she stopped asking that particular question. So I got a new nurse this morning that I felt much better with, although I told her I thought above my collar bone was a little swollen so she felt it and said she could feel it and would call it in. When they (not her, the people who check on it) called back they said the nurse said the swelling was in my neck and she had not been able to feel it, but I could. Anyways, I am hoping it is out of my body on Wednesday and Thursday and I won’t have to have any of these nurses anymore. I hope that someone at the Clinic will take it out, it would make me feel much better.

I just want everything out of my body that does not belong there (including my gall bladder that caused me all these problems in the first place). The g00d news is that my pain is so much better, which I take as a very good sign because I think it means there is no fluid (or very little) in my abdomen which means my tube is working, which means that I may not have to have surgery on my pancreas, which would be great! Also, my episiotomy is healed except for every once in a while it starts bleeding, which I think is just the final step of healing, all in all, I am doing much better which means I am off narcotics in the first time for 10-11 weeks. I am so happy. I will take it again as soon as I get stomach pain, but hopefully I will stay pain free! I am just so very, very tired. I am trying to get in 2 naps every day, but have just made it 1 so far. I am slowly trying to build up my strength. Right now, I am too weak to carry Finn down the stairs (although he is huge now)!

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