These are my thoughts for the year of 2008:
- Everything is harder than you think it’s going to be. My pregnancy was so much more difficult than I ever expected. Before I knew better, I actually looked forward to the torture. When you become as overdue as I was, you are literally begging the baby to make an appearance. If you don’t believe me, take a look at how this blog began! After the little bundle of joy has arrived, you realize that you have traded misery for more misery. Now you have a small screaming bundle that can’t communicate it’s needs or wants and the only way to let you know how they are feeling is to scream and scream. This may go on for a very long time because you are not a mind reader and you can’t tell that the shrieking means “I felt a small breeze on my face and I am very annoyed about it.” Also your body hurts a ton because you have just pushed out a basketball from somewhere that was not supposed to be that big. Teaching was a gazillion times harder than I ever imagined, but I won’t go into that now because I don’t have time to write a novel. In fact, the only thing that I can think of that was easier than I imagined was being married. I heard all these horror stories about being married (and not to say that we don’t have our disagreements, we certainly do until Josh realizes that he’s wrong and I get to say “I told you so!”) but it has turned out (so far) to be a piece of delicious pie that I like to savor every day. But I realize that is only because I am married to the very best person on the planet, so doesn’t that suck the big one for the rest of you!
- Becoming a mother was a huge part of 2008 for me (obviously) and although it’s extremely difficult, it is also extremely amazing. It usually is one or the other and can change in a mere second. The best part of waking up is not Folgers in my cup but rather a smile that I like to believe that Finn has stored up all night long to give to his mama. I am staying home on New Years Eve (and spent the entire day in my pajamas) mostly due to having a child, but I don’t have a huge problem with it due to me being a mom.
- Being sick was also a huge part of 2008 and for me. Not only did it attack me physically but also put me though the ringer emotionally and psychologically. I am still sorting out these issues and probably will for a long while yet. I hope in the end I can be sure that I got stronger mentally and physically because of everything that happened to me. Health is one of those things that you don’t really think about until you don’t have it anymore (at least that’s how it was for me). I learned this year that it can sneak up on you when you have no clue it’s coming and then all of a sudden BAM a piano pummels you into the ground. There certainly were times when I thought I was going to die and I know that many of my family and friends were worried about that as well. If you are lucky enough to get through it like I was, you have a much greater appreciation for life and you realize that you need to draw a line for you life. Important things and unimportant things. When you are in that place it becomes very clear which things belong in what catagory and then you realize the necesity of letting the unimportant things go because if you keep them bouncing around in your head, you will feel stressed, and if it’s unimportant it’s certainly not worth losing sleep over.
- Due to being sick I have also realized how lucky I am to have the family and friends that I have. Honestly you don’t know how you or your loved ones are going to react when a tragedy strikes. I feel honored that I have such great family and friends that were unbelievably suportive and got me through the long days and weeks in the hospital and many more at home. You all helped pull me through and I know I would have been sick for a lot longer if not the support that I recieved. You know you have a true friend when they stand with you and hold you hand as you go through the rough times. Hopefully most people won’t have to put their loved ones through the test, but if tragedy strikes I know that I am so lucky and blessed to have such wonderful, caring, supportive, funny, strong, loving, etc. people for me to lean against. I hope that if I am ever put to the test on the other side, that I will be able to show that I was half as strong as the people in my life.
- This I have known for a long time, but it really cuts deep when it happens again and again. When my sister is here, my entire stress just leaves my body. She has always been my big sister, my hero, the one I look to for approval and try to live up to the standards she set, even though it’s impossible. She is surely one of the best people I know in my life and has always worked so hard to make me into the best person I could be. I really believe that those that are lucky enough to have her in their presence will be rewarded with her generousity of spirit. I know she devotes all her energy and love into her students and their amazing growth academically and increased maturity is directly linked to her wonderfulness. When she leaves I feel a hole in my chest that only she can fill and I don’t believe there will come a day when I won’t do my damndest to try to convince her to move closer or even seriously consider taking a swing at the east coast.
- With the prospect of losing my job, along with millions of others I have realized that it is down right stupid to continue at a job that doesn’t fulfill you. Now, I love working with kids and seeing their growth. However, there are many things that are put in place all over the country that stands in the way of teachers teaching and students learning. This is incredibly frustrating and wears down at teachers every day. If I lose my job I will take it as an oppurtunity to take a stab at what I think I would be happiest at. I am rolling around many ideas in my head that I am excited about.
- Today is Megan’s birthday (my best friend). She was gracious enough to take time away from her family and come and bless us with her presence. I always enjoy seeing her and am thrilled that she is having such a great time in San Diego (P.S. Jessica pointed out that Megan lives in San Fransisco…same diff, right? It’s warmer than it is her and it starts with San) but I really miss her living closer. I always thought it would be horrible to have your birthday on New Year’s Eve but she has always insisted that she doesn’t mind at all, in fact she likes it. She always makes it home for holidays and special occasions and I am lucky to have such a great friend. The only bad thing is this almost always coincides with my sisters trip and it is so hard trying to spend quality time with both of them. I wish they would come at separate times so that I can get the best from each of their visits!! She is almost my oldest friend. When we met we just clicked right away, it was as if we had known each other forever and the best part was we made each other laugh until we cried. I look back fondly on the time that I pulled her sweatshirt hood tight so she couldn’t see and tried to walk her down the stairs until a teacher stopped us. I love you Megan and Happy Birthday! Anytime you need a friend or someone to make you fall down the stairs to your death, I’m only a phone call away!
Here is a picture and video of Megan on her short visit, the best part in the picture Tanner looking miserable behind her and in the video where she pushes Finn into a face plant. I was there to witness it, and I promise you it was a push!