Dear Finn-1 Year & 9 Months

Oh my Finn, it has been one of those months, one of those months that I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive or if I even wanted to.  This month I found out after the next 9 weeks when this school year ends, so will my career as a teacher (at least for the time being).  It is a very scary thing to think about changing my career at this point in my life, especially since all I’ve ever wanted to be is a teacher.

I felt that I have dealt with this situation in the best possible way I could at the time, and it has been a learning experience for me.  There will be people that you encounter in your life that don’t have your best interest at heart.  I want you to be open and trusting of people.  However, if you are there will be times when you are blindsided and you this will be very hurtful.  Most people in the world are good and will do what’s right.  There are some that won’t and we just have to do our best to not let these people bring us down or take away our trust in the goodness of people.

We always do the best job that we know how to do at the time.  Everyone makes mistakes.  A strong person sees the mistakes they made and lets it teach them to be better and stronger.  A weak person sees the mistakes and pretends it doesn’t exist, arguing about how a mistake wasn’t made.  There will be people in life who will try to take you down, even if you do your best job; and it is unfair.  Unfortunately life is unfair, and this is not something that Daddy or I can protect you from.  When everything you know to be true and right is turned upside down, you have to trust your support system to see the truth for you.  You probably won’t understand the reason why this is happening to you and it’s really not important.  You have great family that is here for you to support you.  When you know you are dealing with these people and know that they don’t have your best interest at heart, you get as far away as quickly as you can.  And by this, I mean mostly emotionally distance yourself, but if geographic distance is required, by all means, do what you need to.

When you get knocked down in life (and we all do at some time or another, some more than others) that is when we are here to help pick you up, brush you off, and send you on your way to be better, greater, and stronger.  Even though I have been through the wringer this month and sometimes don’t feel that I have the courage or motivation to get our of bed in the morning, you have been my sunshine.  There is not a day that goes by where you don’t make me laugh and smile.

Even though this has been difficult for me, my first priority is and always will be providing for you and keeping you safe.  I don’t know what I’m going to be doing in the next couples months or certainly not in the next couple years.  This is not what I wanted to happen, but I will do my best to get through and come out better and stronger.  It is my intention in 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, etc. to be in a better place that appreciates the hard work I put in and be able to understand why this happened to me.

Every day through this you have made me not only smile but laugh.  You have grown and learned so much this month, you continue to amaze me.  I say that each month, I know, but it doesn’t make it any less true!  You are talking so much more and I can understand about 40% of it.  Your favorite question is “waz dat?”  Which you ask about a million times a day.  Even if I have just informed you that, yes, it is a van, it has not changed since you asked me 2 minutes ago you will ask me “waz dat?”

You love to “cower” (color), blow bubbles, read, and you would spend all day on your bike if we would let you.  If you are outside at daycare when we come to pick you up, we have to drag you to the car, kicking and screaming.  If someone interrupts your favorite activities, you are very upset.

You amaze me with what you know (you can identify animals, the sounds they make, colors, shapes, and can even count to 2) and how you learn.  You take everything apart to see how it works.  If anything is put together it is your mission to take it apart, piece by piece, and examine each piece and how it works.

I can already tell that you are very intelligent, kind, caring, funny, good, not to mention cuter than anyone really has the right to be.  You are also very stubborn and independent.  You will freely express yourself (quite loudly at that) if you someone is doing something that you want to be doing.  I have no idea where these traits came from, your father, no doubt.

I am glad that you are too young to get mixed up in this mess of me losing my job.  I am sure there will be challenges in our future that you will be aware of.  I want you to know that Daddy and I will do everything to make sure this family is safe, happy, and cared for.  That’s our job.  I don’t want you to have anxiety or worry about these things, this is the time in life when you get to sit back and be taken care of, and that is what I’m planning on doing!

Love,

Mama

Here is a video from the pictures we took of you for the past 2 months but I haven’t good about posting.  So I put them in a video.  It includes us going out after a snow storm, you being a messy eater, and getting your bike put together and riding it.  I thought this song “Ultimate Love” by Phil Vassar was an appropriate song for this month.

I’ll never make the Fortune 500
On what I get paid

Please don’t pity me,
‘Cause I’ve got everything I need

Life don’t get no better
I could live forever and never top this

Got a sweet suspicion there ain’t nothin’
I’ve missed
Baby look at us
Standing in the middle of this ultimate love

You are my ultimate love.

Feb & Mar 2010 from Kate Hanke on Vimeo.

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3 Responses to Dear Finn-1 Year & 9 Months

  1. Well that just says it all, doesn’t it?
    Lucky boy.

  2. Mary Jo says:

    That was such a fun video to watch! Thanks for putting it together.

  3. Aunt Karen says:

    Thank was AWWESOME Kate!

    I think Finn’s not too happy with the ‘adult handle’ on his bike!

    And, I loved the puppy picture-they just want to join in on the fun.

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