I try to think about my life in the last 2.5 years since when Finn was born without crying. In a word it’s CRAP. I don’t understand “why.” I don’t think it’s “fair.” It really SUCKS. Don’t worry, it’s not one of those where I list everything that I think is unfair in my life.
The funny thing is, if you asked me when the best part of my life was, I would say since Finn was born. It sounds stupid and corny but honestly my life didn’t really start to have meaning until he came into it. On top of that, I couldn’t imagine a more supportive and loving husband. Our marriage has survived A LOT and we are better off and closer because of it. That’s what life is all about.
There are more times than I would like to admit where I think the easiest thing in life would be taking a bottle of sleeping pills and washing it down with a bottle of wine. Painless. Done. Peace. Better off (me and my family). This is my deep dark secret. It’s moments where I don’t want to fight anymore. It never comes close to being true. But there’s a moment where it seems like the only answer. Then I think if Josh did this and couldn’t imagine anything more selfish. Even though I am not anywhere near the person Josh is, he claims to love me, and Finn puts up with me. I could never do this to them. But somedays it’s hard. Really hard. Maybe I’m the only one who has THOSE thought on THOSE days.
This wasn’t meant to be a depressing post. Honestly. I have been trying to be positive right now. For the most part I am (or fooling everyone). Today was the kind of day you can’t even dream up it was so wonderful. I wake up to find that my mother-in-law is sick (that’s not the good part) and can’t watch Finn. So I drag Finn on all my errands (that’s not the good part either, even though we had fun). When I get home and put Finn down for a nap I check my email and not only have I received some promising mail from people who want me to sub or teach for them. Even better than that a parent of one of my student’s has tracked down my personal email address and written me such a nice email. And then I got another really nice email from another parent.
I was feeling pretty good. It was the day I take my “boys” to dance class. Which I always feel so lucky for them to attend because it was out of the kindness of the owner that they get to attend on scholarships. And the owner tells me today that I don’t have to pay for their costumes for the show ($100). As if that wasn’t enough, the youngest boy (who always begs to come, but this is the first time he has) sits with me in the lobby to wait during class and tells me how excited he was to come today. He kept asking when it was going to be 4 (when I told them I would pick them up).
As if that wasn’t enough, on the way to drop them off, one kept asking about if I would still come and pick them up for fun things when they moved an hour away. He said he was really worried about it. I told him he was worth it. I told him I would come and pick him up until they said “STOP.” And even if they said that, I still might not listen. They assured me that they would never say that.
As if that wouldn’t have been a great day…I realized that when I took the boys out for a dollar dinner at McDonald’s before class, I had thrown away my wallet by mistake. My wallet. With my license, credit card, debit card, library card, good luck charm, and most importantly a picture of my beautiful niece that she gave me when she was in first grade.
I go to McDonald’s and ask if it’s ok if I dig through the trash. They say have at it. YUCK…YUCK…YUCK. No wallet. This boy, who is obviously on his break said that he had just changed the trash and he would go in the back and look through it. I said no. It was my fault that I was so stupid (you would swear I didn’t have a brain in my head if you knew half the stuff I did) and he shouldn’t suffer. I tell him to show me the trash bag and I will go through it. YUCK…YUCK…YUCK. He says it’s in the back and non-employees aren’t allowed in the back. He says he’ll go look. 2 minutes later he’s back with it. People who say teenagers don’t have good work ethic, I would like to introduce you to this boy. Let’s examine the evidence…
HE WAS ON BREAK.
HE IS A TEENAGER.
AND A BOY-which I believe are born with an aversion to anything trash related.
HE DIGS THROUGH TRASH FOR ME.
WITH A SUPER NICE ATTITUDE.
I knew there was a reason I got out of bed in the morning. Isn’t it just excellent when people are so much more than you ever expected? I love it. Happens all the time. You better believe McDonald’s will be hearing about this one in a strongly worded letter. He needs a raise. I love nice people.
And when I went to buy wine, THREE people held the door for me. I love it when people are nice.
And if that wasn’t enough, I got to go spend the evening with one of my very best friends on the planet. And drink wine. And talk. My 2 favorite activities. Even though I was almost attacked by a skunk (I’m not ashamed to admit I ran to my car like a scared girl AND locked the door when I was inside, because you have to be scared about them climbing in after you and biting you) and my friend is one of those that puts up inflatable Christmas decorations in her yard, I still had a great time.
So the moral of my story is:
1. Happy I didn’t drive off a cliff or stick my head in the oven.
2. Go to McDonald’s.
3. It takes the smallest action (or digging through trash) to make someone’s day. We can all do this more.
4. Even people with hideous Christmas decorations are people too and shouldn’t be discriminated against because of their bad taste.
5. Always be on the look-out for attack skunks (it may be advisable to carry mace).
6. I didn’t win the lottery today…but it sure felt like it.