How to train a husband.

Please Note: Do not try this at home.  Kate has a lifetime of training in guilt and mental wars to achieve these results.  Not safe for untrained and/or sane people.

Also, please note, no husbands were harmed in this process.

Now that Josh and I are spending nearly 24 hours a day together, there have been more moments when we annoy each other.  And when I say nearly 24 hours… I mean 24/7/365.  And that’s a lot of time with someone who is crazy me.

Again, let me reiterate, this should only be attempted by experts in the field of manipulation and crazy or there may be disastrous results.

This was a conversation from last week:

Josh: Do you have the numbers?

Me: What numbers?

Josh: Those papers I gave to you.

(I start searching for them, Josh comes to stand over my shoulder)

Josh: There!  It’s those.

Me: NO!  IT’S NOT!

Josh: Yes it is, that’s what I need.

Me: NO! IT’S NOT!  I SEPARATED THESE TO CALCULATE THE NUMBERS.  SEE!  SEE!!

(emphatically showing him it’s not what he wants)

Josh: What’s wrong?

Me:  NOTHING!!!  I’m hungry!!!

(Josh leaves and goes to get me something to eat, after eating I decide I need to apologize)

Me: I’m sorry I yelled at you.  I was very hungry and I’m very stressed because I feel like I haven’t gotten anything done and then you asked me for those papers, but you wouldn’t listen to what I was trying to say.

Josh: Oh, I understand, we all have days like that.  I’m sorry I made you yell at me.

Check back tomorrow for how to train your child—the next installment in the series.

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9 Responses to How to train a husband.

  1. Denise says:

    Oh… “I’m sorry I made you yell at me”, and getting you something to eat, adorable! Please, more of this “classes”! We need to learn how to achieve the same results! The food result I got, so I need some improvement!!! :)
    Denise recently posted..Asos Ashford bootsMy Profile

  2. Vince says:

    Kate,

    Not bad. I have the following advice for husbands on how to have a long lasting relationship with your wife. Simply learn the below phrases. If you can learn to say them sincerely, bonus points:

    Yes dear
    No dear
    You’re right dear
    I’m sorry dear
    It’s all my fault dear

    They work well in combination: “Yes dear, you’re right dear, it’s all my fault, dear, I’m sorry dear.” See?

    In the years since I’ve discovered these miracle phrases, I’ve found you can sum it all up for your wife in one simple statement:

    I’m sorry dear, I’m just a man.

    End lesson.
    Vince recently posted..HumbledMy Profile

  3. Kate says:

    Vince,
    OMG…tell your wife she has competition. Well, I guess if you won’t leave her for crazy me…maybe I can rent you to teach my husband? That would be FANTASTIC! (Josh is really great, I’m just speaking generally) Can I post this and give you credit because this is my new favorite thing in the entire world!!
    :) Kate

  4. Candice says:

    Ah, husband training. Now start a “how to find a husband to train” series.
    Candice recently posted..Cruising Western Brook Pond FjordMy Profile

  5. Vince says:

    Kate, not to worry, I’ve yet to meet a woman capable of prying me away from my wife. So if you can afford the hourly rate and the per diem, we can talk.

    Not only do you have permission to post my words of wisdom (with the proper credit), if you like I can also email you the song I wrote based on said words of wisdom. Just let me know and provide an addy.
    Vince recently posted..HumbledMy Profile

  6. Tracey says:

    Um. Josh really has no idea what he’s in for, does he ? :)
    Tracey recently posted..Indulging a passionMy Profile

  7. Pingback: How to train your child. | Recommended Daily Dose

  8. Kate says:

    Tracey-
    Nope (please don’t tell him…!!) 😉
    Kate

  9. maggie says:

    I’m with Candice. I can’t train a husband until I find one. . . 😉

    Also, you give me hope. I’m pretty f’in crazy… I’m fairly certain no one could put up with me long term, but maybe there’s a josh out there for me… ;D
    maggie recently posted..If I had three dollars for every time someone asked. . . Do Your Ears Hang Low?My Profile

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