You were upset with me today so you climbed up on daddy’s lap and look at him with all seriousness and said “I think we should get a new mama.”
I was prepared for the “I hate you’s” and even (eventually) “fuck you bitch” (since I said this to my mom, I figure it’s only fair). However, replacing me caught me unexpected and even though I understand you didn’t say it with full meaning, I have to admit it hurt my feelings a little bit.
Which means that I need to grow a thicker skin, otherwise I’m a far too easy target for you.
I was reading a friend’s Facebook updates and one of her neighbors had set off bottle rockets which scared her daughter who is about 18 months older than you. It made me laugh because coming home that day you hopped out of the van, ran up to the front door and started screaming at the top of your lungs. It sounded exactly like fireworks. Even though it was only 430, I figured it wasn’t something the neighbors were really enjoying and I told you so.
“But that’s my outside voice” you tell me. How can I argue with that?
We are still working on toilet training and I’m feeling like a failure as a parent. You can spell your name, write your name, state your full name (first, middle, and last), you are an expert at your letters, numbers, identifying shapes (even oval, rectangle, cube, pentagon, etc.), and you’ve known your colors since forever. But I’m pretty sure if you go to Kindergarten with diapers on, none of the rest of it will matter.
So here’s the deal my son. If you can learn how to use the toilet and have only accidents here and there instead of multiple times a day I won’t ask you to learn anything ever again. I will be happy.
No my fingers aren’t crossed behind my back, I swear.
I know you’ll do it in your own time. I know it doesn’t mean you’re not smart. I’m fairly sure it will be a single moment in time when something will just click and the day before you were having all these accidents and then the next you’ll never have another one. That’s how it happened for you with rolling over, crawling, walking, talking and so I’m sure pooping will follow the same pattern.
I’m also fairly sure it’s my failure as a mother. I know you’re capable, so I figure it has to be something I’m doing wrong. But since you are my one and only…you’re also sort of the guinea pig. Sorry about that. All I can promise is I will do my very best by you. I just wish I could figure it out. Now I have turned to bribery. I told you I would fly you to the moon and buy you anything you wanted if you pooped in the toilet. I feel that bribery is a valid parenting tool.
It’s funny to see what daddy and I focus on when it comes to parenting. I guess everyone values something different and focuses on different things.
Daddy is very worried about your toilet training too. He also is very strict when it comes to food…how you eat and how much. I focus much more on manners…if you forget your please and thank you I remove a toe.
You were at Jo Jo’s last week and you told her you only had 1 toy at your house to play with. One lonely ball in your bedroom. I wonder who all the toys that take up 40% of the space in our house belong to? I would be very happy if they would come and collect them because then our house would be a lot less crowded and messy. I offered to dial the CPS number for you and that is a standing offer until you are 18 years old.
You are such a good helper and only rarely have an attitude. I’m pretty sure you got the attitude from your father, not me (because I’m always sweet). You continue to develop your wicked sense of humor and not a day passes without me laughing at with you.
I heard about the terrible two’s and I didn’t find that to be true. When you were two are some of my favorite times of being your mom. Since you’ve turned three you’ve been testing my patience, but at every age and stage there are difficult and great things. I know since I’ve been “working,” it’s a transition and I want to make sure to spend quality time with you because in a blink of an eye you will be off to school and I don’t want to miss a minute.