Okay, here is what I promised (it’s days late, I know, I’m sorry, things have been crazy!), even though I want you to know it is killing my soul to do this, so I hope you appreciate it!
I hate having my picture taken right now, I don’t feel hideous unless I have to see myself in a picture. It’s not even that bad to look at myself in the mirror, apparently I have a nice mirror that makes me look skinnier than I am (or a delusional brain that allows me to see what I want to see). I don’t feel like I look like this, so I just wish I didn’t have to see it EVER. I wish there were no pictures of me, so I could pretend I never was 5000 pounds.
Anyways…here’s my short hair…what do you think? I love, love the way it feels, I want to marry that feeling. I told Josh he may just have to learn to love me with short hair, because it may just stay this way. The way it looks is actually growing on me anyway, when I look in the mirror I see my mother. That’s really weird and unsettling because I’ve never felt that I looked like my mom. When people would ask her when we were younger who Jess and I looked like, she would say each other. We don’t look like her or our father. This made me convinced I was adopted for the longest time when I was younger. Anyways, love the hair (little scared it makes me look like a dyke from Colorado~not that there is anything wrong with that, I’m just not one~, but I don’t care because I love it)!
I am so happy because I am actually fitting into some older maternity clothes (pants I wore over the winter and such) and even some really big non maternity shirts I had before I was pregnant. This makes getting dressed so much more fun, because at the end I had 1 pair of pants that fit and about 3 shirts I would wear. I didn’t want to buy any more because I figured the baby would have to come out sometime and everything is so goldarned expensive. My wardrobe has grown, too much fun!
My only issue right now is my bra. Like I said, in Rochester there are no nursing bras that I are in my size (because my boobs are so big, apparently freakishly so, maybe I can get a job at the circus) so we went to the big girl store and just bought regular, non-nursing bras, but they actually fit, which I thought was the better of the 2 bad options (a too small bra that hurt to wear and I was spilling out of or a bra that fit but I had to completely take off to feed Finn). It just occurred to me (because I don’t do this very often) to look on-line and see what I could see. In Rochester there may not be that many other women that are freakishly huge like me, but in the country and the world, I am sure I have peeps that are equally frustrated and I have to say I love the internet today (it wasn’t that long ago when finding something like this would have been impossible without the internet). I actually found some great stuff, I am wary of it (lots is from Europe, funny enough, maybe they just grow bigger boobies over there, they say they ship to the US though…you think shipping will be under $100?) because you never what your going to get and I don’t want to spend a ton of money on something that doesn’t work for me. Anyways, that’s the update on my bra situation, because I knew you were dying to know!
Drugs, drugs, drugs. I have organized my drugs, which I take every 3 hours. This organizational system keeps me from forgetting what and when I’ve taken my drugs, which is very important on a brain with very little sleep. If I take too many or too close together, Finn may get more through my milk than his little body can handle. Here is the drug organizer Josh bought for me. Keep in mind, please, that this will last me 3 days and then I will have to restock the organizer, so I will consume each and every one of these pills in the next 3 days, that’s a lot of drugs!
As we all know very well by now, I love drugs. In all seriousness though, I think that if I wasn’t on the narcotics I would be in too much pain to heal, much less be up and around taking care of my son. I find it funny (and truly feel bad and guilty) that the most drugs I have ever taken is when I am breastfeeding, it can’t be a good thing!
Gas Mask Boobs
Okay, lastly, as promised the story about the gas mask boobs. It got infinitely funnier a few days ago, Josh and I were about on the floor laughing and peeing our pants (but that just could be because of the sleep deprivation), so I hope I am able to tell this in a way that you understand the hilariousness of it and get equal enjoyment, don’t pee your pants though, it’s quite the mess to clean up!
So when I went to the lactation consultant she said there were these great things called Soothies that we could buy at the Mayo store that would help me with nipple soreness. So we went and bought them for quite a bit of money, but we figured it was worth it. So to me it looked like a piece of plastic with fabric on the other side. Now I was careful not to touch the plastic side because I believed there was the gel on it that helped the nipples get not sore. So when I put these in my bra, with the plastic against my nipples, it left a very noticeable circle around the nippular area. Here is a picture, it’s sort of hard to see, but if you had seen me in person, you totally would have noticed.
Understand, I walked around like this for days, and I nicknamed them my gas mask boobs because that’s what I thought they looked like. And my nipple soreness was getting better, so I thought it was so worth it to be embarrassed if I was getting great healing power.
We were at Debb’s on Friday chatting away with her and I was feeding Finn and I accidentally touched the plastic part and noticed the gel was all gone. I couldn’t believe I had used up all the gel, my nipples must have been really bad because the box said these were supposed to last for 3 weeks. Okay, whatever, so I threw them in my bag to throw away later.
Now when Josh was cleaning out my bag later, I believe he was looking at them and he started pulling on the fuzzy part, well it came right up. We were supposed to peel it off and then the gel would stick to my nippular area.
Here are some pictures and video to help you understand how these are supposed to be used. But really, I am just impressed with the healing power of plastic, because that’s the only thing that was against my boobs for all those days (actually, the lactation consultant told me to hand express some milk and rub that on my nipples, it would heal them, so I think that really helped heal them too). And now, I can actually not feel self conscious with gas mask books when I go out in public! It’s healing power without the public humiliation, love it! ~Pictures and video from Josh.