I’m falling behind in writing to you each month. No surprise there. Mainly I feel like I set high expectations and then spend the rest of my time failing. So as I get around to writing you monthly letters, my plan is to group months (hopefully not years) together into one long post.
You make me laugh almost all day long. You love it when you get a laugh, most of the time you didn’t mean for it to be funny. However, if you got a laugh the first time, you’ll do it again and again and again and again and again until forever. This should teach me not to laugh at any of your jokes.
We recently went on a trip with your cousins and Aunt and Uncle that required a drive of nearly 12 hours 1 way. The actual drive was 8 hours, but it seemed to grow longer and longer. Daddy told you we were going to the mountains and so every time we stopped to go to the bathroom or stretch our legs you would shout from the backseat…
ARE WE AT THE MOUNTAINS NOW?
Even though we told you it was a VERY long drive and would take 2 days to get there, that didn’t stop you from asking every 20 minutes.
You have so much energy it either drives me crazy or makes me so tired I want to go take a nap. All in all, you were such a trooper. Daddy and I couldn’t believe how amazing you were and how you kept a good attitude 93% of the time. When I came down with strep you were so sweet and wanted to do anything and everything for me and would come over and ask if you could give me a soft hug. You always make me feel better and would ask if my neck was still hurting me.
When we embarked on our second day of driving you asked what planet we were on. I’m pretty sure you inhabit your own planet, but I like it when you bring me for a visit. This led to a very interesting and in-depth conversation how we were in the same country, different state, and different city.
Sometimes I find being a mom really challenging. I am so grateful that I have your Daddy on my team. Sometimes it feels like we’re a team against you. I really don’t understand how people raise kids without a partner and a support system and I will always be grateful that I won’t have to find out. My hat goes off to those who do for they are much better people than I.
This is not to say you are a difficult kid, just the opposite. You are sweet, kind, generous, smart, and just generally awesome. You do your job of being a kid. Part of that is pushing the boundaries to see where they are. The hard part is knowing when and how hard to push back. I don’t want you to ever think for even a minute that you are anything less than perfect. It’s just the reaction to you being a kid that keeps me up some nights. I know it’s Daddy and I’s reaction that is forming you into the person and man you will become.
Although people who I admire as great mom’s that I get to watch on regular basis who happen to be so much more naturally talented than me, I see them struggle a little bit too (every once and awhile). It gives me hope to how amazing their kids are. It will be my greatest and proudest moment if you grow up to be like those kids.
I feel the same way about you as I did my kids in my classroom when I taught. Your successes are yours and yours alone. The great and bright future that you have and all the accomplishments are because of you and belong to you. Your future is because of the choices you make and the hard work you put in.
However, any failure is owned by Daddy and I. If you end up living in our basement playing video games for the remainder of your days you’ll have to take turns with daddy and I will be the happiest mama. In all seriousness, that will be because we didn’t provide you the right support and opportunities and have the right expectations.
The hardest part for me is knowing what is normal and necessary stumbling blocks and what is something to be concerned about. I don’t expect you to be perfect and I wouldn’t want you to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone gets mad and sad and grumpy. Everyone fails. These are the building blocks that actually make us who we are. We would have no depth of character without these challenges and obstacles. However, it’s hard to know as a parent which are necessary and which are red flags and need to be addressed.
Mainly, I’m hoping I’m doing okay at this mom thing and I love being your mom except for those moments every now and then when you drive me a bit crazy. I’ll always take your hugs, they’re magically healing. I know you will accomplish great things in your life, I just need to figure out when to get out of your way. Thanks for teaching me how to be a mom and being patient when I make mistakes.